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HOW TO WIN PASSION BACK IN YOUR LIFE
Why you lost passion and how to win it back
You wake up one day or you suddenly realize that you are not as passionate with that thing or person or that place or whatever it is as you used to.
If you’ve ever experienced this, you may also feel you are not enjoying other things as you used to. It may seem as though you are not as energized, motivated, inspired to go the extra mile in favor of that thing or person or whatever it is.
Being passionate is a great feeling to have because it helps you find purpose or meaning to your life. From experience, one feels alive, able, interested in seeing possibilities, embarking on tasks associated with that thing, it yields potions of optimism. Passion is like a bright candle light burning even in the middle of a wind.
The bit-by-bit scenario
Passion is lost through what I’ll call a bit-by-bit scenario. A bit-by-bit scenario is responsible for the formation of any new habit. It could be responsible for losing or gaining passion for anything. It is responsible for anyone becoming who they deliberately or not deliberately choose to be.
The bit-by-bit scenario is responsible for how someone wakes up one day to realize he or she is in a wrong place in life. The bit-by-bit scenario hides within the shadows of one’s subconscious mind. To make this clearer, let’s explore the following instances where people could lose passion for something.
As it applies to relationships
A couple who used to be in love decide to split up one day after years of being together. To the outside world, this looks like something that happens out of the blue. How did they get here?
The reality is that the flame the couple once had at the beginning of the relationship died a slow death multiple times due to the experiences both couples share with one another. It is unthinkable to see a couple split up if the passion or flame they once had still burns with the same intensity.
Let’s explore some of the elements of the bit-by-bit scenario of what happened.
Familiarity is by far the strongest component of the bit-by-bit scenario. Once you are familiar with something, you don’t owe it in the highest regard. You lose some perspective. You don’t hustle as much to keep it because you already have it. This is a number one killer of passion.
The number one rule to keeping the passion for anything you have is to give it the attention it deserves. Work hard at it to keep it fresh in your mind and your heart. A husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend that does not focus on keeping his/her partner happy, respected or taken care of or keeping this flame burning so to speak will eventually lose passion for the partner.
In this example, since humans are on both sides, the action required must be reciprocated – this duality cannot be overstated.
Failure to say I love you, failure to remember that birthday or anniversary, failure to helping and being supportive, being quick to judge or criticize, failure to call, failure to follow-up, failure to continue to display a form of passion or attitude that both once had at the beginning would eventually lead to loss of passion.
This example can apply to any relationship.
Key Lesson: Don’t take anyone you cherish today for granted. When you do, you won’t lose passion to have them in your life.
As it applies to other things
If you have a hobby that you’ve lost passion for or a work that you’ve lost passion for, let’s do a simple test.
Identify the things you are doing every day to be as engaged in that hobby or work. How often do you read about that hobby or work? How much do you learn about that hobby or work? How often do you socialize with like-minded people in that field of hobby or work? Are you proactive about this hobby or work or are you reactive? You’ll see that your frequency or level of engagement, while not high now because of your loss of passion, died slowly over time.
If you call yourself a professional for example, and you opt to stay out of the yearly learning requirements only to pay for the membership then you could see how you may not be as passionate about the field over time. If you don’t attend the professional meetings or attend related conferences or read applicable journals or books, you can see how these may have contributed to your loss of passion for the field.
Key Lesson: Don’t beat yourself up about your loss of passion for a thing. Instead, make a choice.
- Identify what makes you happy
- Be clear on your identity [who you’d like to become, if you are not already that person]. This is important because not affirming who you really are could create unnecessary inner conflicts. The goal here is to come to terms and accept who you are or embark on the targeted actions to becoming that person you’ll like to be
- Decide to do precisely what aligns with you
Winning Passion Back
If you’ve lost passion, you can gain it back today through a series of simple recovery plan. If you truly want something back, you have to work to get it back. Here are some steps to recovering your lost passion.
- Own up to the miss. Forgive yourself or whatever caused the situation. Don't play victim. Now it’s time to learn from this and move forward
- Identify 10 things that someone who has a strong passion or love for such a thing must do
- Prioritize these 10 things and split them into top and bottom 5
- Be accountable. Find at least 1 person that has your best interest at heart and that would likely support your gaining back this lost passion
- Start a 30-day habit formation process to bring back the spark and flame
- For 30-days, focus exclusively on the top 5 items. Include any of the bottom 5 items as well but be sure the top 5 are given the most priority and are taken care of
- If you think the habit has not formed, repeat the exercise for another 30-days until you feel this is now embedded back in your subconscious
